I had a film made about me Living in the E-world

Here are my notes.

The Two day long (plus some) Filming of one three minute documentary film called Cyber Granny in a series of four,
as understood by the subject.

 

Long before the subject is involved in the film
much has already happened.

1
Brewers Productions,
located in Soho (the traditional area for this sort of company)
has thought up the theme for the series and sold the idea
to a Television Company, Channel 4.

The TV company has decided
to broadcast the series in prime time on TV and simultaneously on the web
- a UK first.

2

The producer, Roger a partner in the company, has hired

a director, Stuart,
a production manager, Antonia,

3

Brewers Productions has also employed researchers with outstanding people skills
to find subjects who illustrate the given theme. The researcher who hits upon the subject for this film, thanks to trAce, is David,

4

Once the subjects and locations have been chosen the production company hires:

A gaffer, A sound guy, Freddie,
A lighting Camera man, Chris, A focus puller, Phil

A runner, Ben, , who takes on this work to finance the production of his own films:
seven minute long adult fairy stories

Pre-film and the Subject

Stage 1- Contact

The subject is first involved in the production when David e-mails
asking her if she is willing to take part.

Stage 2- Audition

David makes the 100 mile train journey from London to the subject's house
He uses a small camcorder and a tape recorder while he interviews the subject for two hours and takes still photos of the location

Stage 3 - Finding the Story Line

David and Stuart travel to Leicester to tape record the subject
and take her to possible filming locations

Stage 4 - The Researcher turns Minder

Films cost about £130 each and another £150 or so to process.
The average three minute film will use up to 12 films.
Film crew is paid by the hour.

Important then that the amateur subject
does not hold up shooting by an attack of nerves
or waste film by not understanding what is expected of her.

So David travels to Leicester, before the rest of the crew arrive,
picks up the subject, explains what will happen during the next two days
takes the subject out to dinner, makes sure she returns home for an early night.
He then joins the whole crew who have booked into a local hotel for two nights.
Antonia has a high temperature and no voice
But the production takes priority.
She has to stay on the job

 

Stage 5- Two days of filming

--------------------

 Subject's Diary

17^th February '00 Filming started today.
7.a.m. Rose to the coldest night of Winter so far, the ground covered by snow

Had warm, perfumed bath.

7.30 a.m. Walked or rather slid to hairdressers for brush-out. ( Left to its own devices the back of my hair sticks up like a cockatoos comb. )
Pedestrian crossing buttons frozen. Cars skidding all over road.

9.00 Film crew arrived. Decided on outdoor filming first, while mud still frozen.

 

9.30 a.m. Freddie wired me up for sound just like in a detective film. I picked brussels while talking about the Internet and wondering whether fingers recover from frostbite.

10.a.m.Walked round garden followed by camera crew. The seven frogs I had previously found under a piece of cardboard had gone AWOL but I discovered one hibernating under a piece of carpet. Picked it up and camera men filmed it. I hoped my hand had not generated too much heat before I placed it back. Then the film crew filmed me photographing pictures for my web site.

I found fox tracks in the snow that led me to the new den

Pond was frozen so crew could not take pictures of copulating frogs with the smudged experimental atmosphere of true web art. I'll show you two here instead.

11.a.m. Changed out of gardening clothes. Ben had been to buy vegetables. Antonia had laid out the vegetables artistically, placed a quiche in the oven and found my hidden, burnt saucepans and cleaned them. The Gaffer had placed a floodlight on the patio shining into the kitchen and another set of lights inside. David told me to don an apron. Remembered I had one stuffed at the back of a wardrobe, found it but Freddie had a job getting the wiring right. The stiff material of the never before used apron brushed against the mike. I scrubbed and peeled vegetables while talking about the Internet. Was told I could not use the term 'clip-art' as this was a brand name. Disputed this.

12.am. Doffed apron. Inn study had to lift down my Victorian copy of Keats from a top shelf and collect an Internet magazine. No dialogue.

12.30 - 1.30 Sat at main computer to talk about my website. Ben went to the local pub to collect a menu, ran back with our choices. Team invited me to the pub with them.

1.40- 2.00 p.m. at pub for lunch

2.10 - 3.30 p.m. Filmed at main computer talking about computer equipment. Took the opportunity to read my e-mail and learnt that the link to my archived 1999 garden diary is not working for everyone on trAce. Camera men filmed me putting the web cam into window to catch burglars.

3.30 -4.30-Gaffer erected flood lights at edge of front garden. Chris and Phil shoot Ben pretending to be a burglar. Only one person walks along the lane the whole hour. Wonder if neighbours are behind their curtains guessing this is a police re-enactment.
Meanwhile briefed by David on what I have to get over during the next part of the shoot.

Roger sees new book on recipe stand in kitchen when he comes in for coffee. Is delighted to discover it is "The Internet: A Writer's Guide" by Jane Dorner, (the best down to earth web book I know for people who want to use the web rather than play with it.)

4.30 - 7.0 p.m. Filming of me in the kitchen reading Jane Dorner's book. I discover Sue, the trAce director and Alan McDonald our next writer in residence are both quoted in it.

Chris has a phone call that his ten month old daughter has been rushed into hospital with gastro-enteritis but the production takes priority. He has to stay on the job

7.00p.m. Film crew clear up brilliantly after themselves

7.30 p.m. Too tired to cook supper or check archive link. Remove quiche still left in oven from morning filming and eat it.

8.30 p.m. to bed and asleep

10. 00 p.m. David phones to tell me of a change of plan for the next day. Ashamed to think the production team has been at work since it left. Unlike camera crew they are not paid by hour.

 

Friday 18^th February Second Day of filming

Warmer when I went to the hairdresser this morning so we don't start off filming in the garden.

The crew leave for a Cybercafe in town at 8.30 a.m. I do not have to be there until 10 a.m. Ben picks me up in a hire car at 9.30 a.m.

David now has a high temperature and sore throat,
but the production takes priority. He has to stay on the job.

The cybercafe is like a primary classroom decked out for the national curriculum castle module using recycled material and the whole school's annual stock of silver paint. Some of the pictures on the spare bits of wall are perhaps a trifle more sexually explicit than would be usual outside the biology lesson. The café however has the advantage of not having to dismantle everything at half term. The staff are very friendly. I was delighted to meet my old friend Mike from the Ark cybercafe (now unfortunately closed) who is Webmaster here.

Upstairs, a room where bands rehearse. I fancy that will form the location for another film in the series.

Two young lads with guitars and obligatory grunge, lounging by reception, react in astonished disbelief when they find just who is being filmed sauntering past the stage set scenery. "But why you?"

Next I am filmed at one of the computers. Take the opportunity to check the so-called broken link on my website. It works fine so why won't it work for my friends in New York?

Am invited to have lunch with the crew again.

1.30 p.m. Filmed weeding front garden with trowel. Wonder if David is taking the Mickey when he asks politely after the shoot whether I would like him to wash the trowel for me?

The sun, shining, if not warm, has opened the crocuses. My fingers have recovered.

2.00p.m. Stuart insists I wear my Compo hat when I am shot walking down the lane towards the camera.

2.15p.m. Panic. The Stuart wants to film me in bed with my laptop. I point out my bedroom's condition emulates the living room in that Yellow Pages advert. Antonia tells me about filming the Yellow Page advert while helping me tidy the bedroom. Apparently the actress in it was really nice to work with. I fish out a new night shirt my prospective daughter-in-law gave me for Christmas and cover the faded duvet with a white throw.

2.45 p.m. More panic. The lights over the bed are over-heating my laptop. £1000 of equipment going for a Burton? Even the piece of polystyrene Stuart places over the keyboard isn't stopping the edges reaching melting point. What is happening to the motherboard? I cannot concentrate on my monologue while worrying over my precious possession. The window cleaner calls, appears somewhat bemused as to why my bedroom widows are blacked out and masculine voices are telling me to roll over now. Antonia tells him under no circumstances must he take the ladder up.

All these people clustered round the bed make me feel I am going through a near death experience and to take my mind off my dying laptop I concentrate on why some people can't get my archived garden pages up. This does not help me bring out the points David has requested. To make me happy again Stuart and David kindly carry a 120 litre bag of compost from my car boot to the back patio.

3.30 p.m. All team down to the main road so I can be filmed sneering at a post box. Again I have to don the Compo hat. Action intrigues newspaper boys

3.45 p.m. Last shots, in the conservatory with the laptop. David is trying to coax out of me the maxims I had flung out so freely during the audio session a week earlier ('sound bytes' is the modern expression) but he won't tell me what they are in case I don't sound natural

4.00p.m. Shooting over and the crew tidy up beautifully again.

Altogether a wonderful two days. What made it so pleasant was the team treating me like a member rather than a subject. Wonderful too having all those cups of tea and coffee made for me and meals I didn't have to cook for myself.

 

Post Filming

The subject now has no more to do with the production. The rolls of film will be processed and go to the cutting room. The graphics team will get to work on the chosen frames.

When all four films have been finished the TV company will decide the order in which they will be shown, then I can tell all my family and friends when to watch it.

Subject's Diary continued

March 4th

The film has been cut. There are two versions - one makes use of the garden shots, the other emphasises the camcorder. It is up to Channel 4 to decide. I hope they use the garden material.

 

March 9^th

Received the video today. They have called it Cyber Granny. Channel 4 chose the camcorder version. Well they are paying. I can understand why they plumped for the camcorder version. If all local telephone calls get included in the cost of line rental, as seems likely soon, then the camcorder could figure largely in local Neighbourhood Watch security schemes. Have to be careful though - some of my initial thoughts on the matter amount to a map for burglars - "loot lies here".

Horrified by all my 'ers' and 'ums'. I thought I had produced some clear sentences - and they showed the gap between my socks and trouser bottoms when they assured me that was not in shot. Find it difficult to believe that fat old woman on screen is me. Farewell to all my illusions concerning eternal youth.

 

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